Society has abandoned us. So I say, we abandon it. F*ck society & its norms. We’ve tried to meet the standards, but where has it gotten us? To start, it’s landed us in a maternal mental health crisis, one in which at least 1 in 5 of us are struggling with anxiety/depression. ONE IN FIVE.

It's okay to not have it all together.

(In fact, it’s quite normal.)

Becoming a mom is mind-blowingly incredible, but when you have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), postpartum life can be uniquely challenging. The added responsibilities and changes can be overwhelming — and don’t even mention the lack of time to recharge. I’m not going to sugarcoat this — ADHD might affect your postpartum experience, and it increases your risk for Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders (PMADs).

I'm still scared every day.

My babies are 13 and 9 now and they are currently on an airplane without me. And I’m f*cking terrified. And I don't mean regular terrified.

I mean full-blown anxiety terrified.

Even with all the therapy and all the work I’ve done. Even with medication and meditation. I am still terrified.

Because I know that babies can die. And I’m sorry, but that’s terrifying.

But the more I learn about my brain and the way it functions, the more pissed off I am that society convinced me that looking someone in the eyes is the only way to communicate what we need to say. I can’t believe I bought into this for so long.

But fuck that. Words written with intention hold just as much power as words coming out of the mouth. It’s time we dismantle the idea that speaking directly is the only "right" way to “legitimately” communicate.

Communication isn't a one-size-fits-all kinda thing, and if you’re like me and prefer to write it out rather than hash it out, I want to give you some permission slips.

I’ve been noticing myself masking up around my own kid and around his friends. I find myself censoring myself so I don't get made fun of and told that I'm embarrassing or weird. And I couldn't figure out why it was upsetting me so much because I get it that all most kids are embarrassed by their parents at some point, but this is just hitting me really hard.

And I figured out why – it’s giving me flashbacks and insight into my life before I wore my own masks. It’s reminding me of what it felt like when I was a kid and began to realize I didn’t fit.

If you’re anything like me, you’ve always been kind of on the fringe, living your life by your rules, but with a bit of self-loathing that you hid from the world.

And then motherhood happened and suddenly, you're grappling with these overwhelming and unfamiliar feelings of being out of control. It's like you're facing a stranger in the mirror every morning and you’re not sure how to deal with her and her big feelings. And the people you’ve known, the people who you’ve taught to see you how you could handle being seen are no longer there. Now there are new people and a new life and it feels like a lot.

I was struggling with postpartum anxiety and didn't know it. I’m neuro-spicy, but didn’t know it. I was pushed to my breaking point, struggling on the inside so badly that I didn't even know I was struggling (if that makes sense to you, I’m sorry.) And I yelled at my baby. My rainbow baby who was conceived via IVF, who I wanted so desperately. I yelled at him.