WAKE HIS ASS UP.

I realize that some of you will want to give me an earful about how your husband walks two hours a day to work uphill both ways with no shoes on so he deserves his sleep. If that’s you and you don’t need to hear this message, then you probably aren’t in the right space and you should probably hit that unsubscribe button at the bottom of the email.

I’m happy for you. For real. And since I’m being honest, I’m a little envious, too.

But I’m not talking to you.

I’m talking to those of you who are so sleep deprived that it hurts. To those of you who have fantasized about taking your foot and shoving your husband so hard that he falls off the bed because he’s sleeping soundly while you’re awake for the 57th time shushing and bouncing and patting and crying.

Yeah, you. I’m talking to you.

I want you to pay attention. Because resentment is dangerous. It will ruin your relationship.

Through his extensive research, relationship expert John Gottman has identified four communication habits that increase the likelihood of divorce. And one of those four habits is resentment.

I wish someone had grabbed me by the shoulders, looked me in the eye and said this to me in no uncertain terms — but no one did. And I suffered. For years. And now I’m divorced. So I’m saying it to you.

Wake his ass up. Yes, WAKE HIM UP.

Because it's not okay for you to be the only one waking up at night.

No, it doesn't matter that you're breastfeeding. No, it doesn't matter that he has work tomorrow. No, it doesn't matter how hard it is to wake him up. No, it doesn't matter what kind of reaction he'll have when you wake him up.

Just wake him up.

Because it's not okay for you to shoulder the entire nighttime parenting responsibility.

Before you start feeling guilty or hesitant, let me assure you that waking him up is good for him, too. And it’s good for your baby and your relationship.

I mean, motherhood is freaking awesome, but it's also the most demanding job you'll ever have. Sleep is crucial for your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Your baby needs you to be healthy, and so does your partner. When you share the nighttime parenting duties, you prevent burnout and avoid feeling overwhelmed and depleted. Plus, as a bonus for both of you, being more rested and less resentful will probably lead to more sex, which leads to connection and a more fulfilling parenting relationship.

Encouraging your partner to actively participate in nighttime parenting empowers them as a parent. It helps them build confidence and competence, which fosters a sense of teamwork and mutual support. It's not about a battle or feeling angry with him for sleeping; it's about collaborating, finding solutions together, and strengthening your communication skills. Ultimately, this strengthens your partnership and creates a more positive dynamic.

When both of you actively engage in nighttime parenting, your child learns to rely on both parents for comfort and support. This balanced involvement creates a beautiful bond and sense of security for everyone involved.

Encouraging shared nighttime parenting also challenges traditional gender roles and stereotypes, which benefits both you and your partner. It sends the message that parenting responsibilities should not be defined by gender. By breaking these barriers, you contribute to creating a more egalitarian and inclusive society. Moreover, you set a powerful example for your child, teaching them about equality, cooperation, and respect within a family unit.

So, go ahead and wake his ass up. Take the first step towards shared responsibility and reap the benefits for your well-being, your relationship, and the growth of your family.

And yes, of course there’s some nuance to this. You can’t just wake him up and expect things to change. You need to have a conversation. You need a plan (check out the Fair play documentary on Hulu). But sometimes, the only way to get shit moving in the direction you need it to move in is to take bold action. So go ahead and wake him up. And then do the work.

If this resonates with you, I invite you to join the wait list for my upcoming Postpartum Reset course and membership program. It's designed to equip you with all the tools and support you need to become the badass mama you were born to be—the one your baby needs you to be.

Keep me posted on how it goes. I'm here rooting for you every step of the way.

PS If you need some tips on how to go about involving your partner in nighttime parenting, just hit reply and ask. I’m here to help.