If You Yelled at Your Baby, Listen Up.
Have you ever yelled at your baby? I mean legit yelled at your baby?
WHAT THE FUCCCK?
STOP CRYING?!?!
WHAT DO YOU NEED??!?!?
STAY STILL!!!
I yelled at my baby more times than I like to admit. I couldn't handle his cries and I was parenting alone and getting no sleep and not taking care of myself and had zero time "off".
These aren’t excuses.
They are explanations.
I was struggling with postpartum anxiety and didn't know it. I’m neuro-spicy, but didn’t know it. I was pushed to my breaking point, struggling on the inside so badly that I didn't even know I was struggling (if that makes sense to you, I’m sorry.)
And I yelled at my baby. My rainbow baby who was conceived via IVF, who I wanted so desperately. I yelled at him.
What a shitty fucking mom.
That’s what I would tell myself. And I would beat myself up mentally and berate myself and promise to do better next time.
But then.
And I didn't have anyone I could even trust with that information.
If there had been someone I could have told, I hope they’d have had the courage to say to me, "Tiff. What the fuck, dude? That's not normal. It is not normal to yell at a baby."
And then I hope they'd have taken me by the hand and said, ”Listen, girlfriend, something a’int right.” So let's figure out what it is.
If you yelled at your baby, listen up.
You're not at all alone.
Something is wrong.
It’s not your fault.
Something needs to change.
Something is wrong and you need to figure out what it is and deal with it because no mother, especially you, would yell at her baby if everything was okay. Seriously. I know you love your baby and I know you're an amazing mom and I know you would never yell at your baby.
It is not normal. Something is wrong.
And I bet I can tell you what it is. Ready? Here are my guesses –
You're not getting enough time for yourself, which means you're desperate for self-care.
You don't have the support that you deserve and that you need. Your partner isn't pulling their weight.
It is possible that you are dealing with a perinatal mood or anxiety disorder.
And if I’m right, or if it’s something else, something needs to change because I know you love your baby. And I know you're a good mom. And I know that you do not want to be yelling at your baby.
Addressing Postpartum Anxiety and Postpartum Rage
Postpartum anxiety and postpartum rage are real and serious issues that many new moms face. According to statistics, about 15% of new moms experience postpartum anxiety, while postpartum rage can affect up to 1 in 7 of us. We all need to recognize that this shit is not uncommon, and we are not bad mothers – we are humans raising babies in a very strange world.
Feeling overwhelmed, losing your temper with your baby, and constantly feeling on edge are signs that something needs attention. Instead of suffering in silence or judging yourself the way I used to, make moves to get what you need.
It's okay to ask for help, and it's okay to admit that you're struggling. The next step is to do something.
Find the Courage to Do Something
If you find yourself in a similar situation, reach out to a friend, a healthcare professional, a therapist, or to me. There is support for you, and you can get yourself back on track.
Always remember, you are not defined by a moment (or five) of frustration. You show up. All day and all night long, you show up. You consistently respond to your baby’s needs. They know they are loved. Always.
You are a strong, loving, and caring mom, and with the right adjustments and support, you can be the mom you have always hoped you’d be.
This is temporary. I am not alone. I will survive.
XO
Tiff
Stick Around!
If you like this sort of thing, you know smashing patriarchy, crushing norms, and doing the mom thing the way your gut tells you to do it, then come hang out with me at my free workshop, “Postpartum Doesn’t Have to Suck!”
Click here to register. It’s free, fun, and you’ll learn stuff!
