Let’s talk about something that’s been swirling around on social media for a while: quiet quitting. You’ve probably heard the term—it’s when you do just enough to get by, stop going out of your way for others, refuse to overextend yourself, to reclaim your time and energy.

The transition to motherhood for ADHD moms can be a complete and total mindf*ck, and too many of us are stumbling through it without a map or a warning. ADHD and postpartum depression and anxiety too often go hand in hand, yet not enough people are talking about it. Your care provider may not only be unfamiliar with the realities of living with ADHD but also completely unaware of its connection to postpartum anxiety and depression.

What makes things even trickier is that many of us don’t even realize we are ADHDers until we become moms and we’re suddenly unable to manage life the way we used to. But by then, it’s too late, and we’re already drowning before we even know what’s happened to us.

When I was pregnant with my October baby in 2009, I pictured baby giggles, family photos in a pumpkin patch, and my happy baby on Santa’s lap. But for me, as a neurodivergent woman—undiagnosed at the time—there was nothing dreamy about my transition to motherhood. Until that point, I’d spent my life creating systems to manage the world around me: making lists, using a planner religiously, adopting a minimalist lifestyle, and building routines that helped me find balance. But becoming a mom threw all those carefully constructed systems into chaos.

We live in the wealthiest country to ever exist on this planet, yet every day new parents are faced with an impossible choice: go back to work and sacrifice their physical and mental recovery, or stay home longer and risk financial instability. For millions of families across the United States of America, the lack of paid parental leave isn't just an economic issue; it is a legit mental health crisis.

Paid leave in the United States is a privilege, and if you're one of the lucky ones to live in a state that offers paid leave or work for a company that offers it, be grateful. At the time I’m writing this, only 12 states and Washington, D.C., have implemented paid parental leave programs.

The postpartum period is an insanely vulnerable time for new parents, especially for new moms, and without the proper support—which we do not get here in America—we find ourselves struggling to heal physically, adjust to our new roles, learn how to breastfeed, while sleep deprived, and, on top of all of it, we get to stress out financially. On top of it, for most people in a partnered relationship, it's the male partner who goes back to work sooner than the female partner; she ends up, by default, dealing with all of the mental, physical, and emotional labor of parenting and household management. It's a f*cked-up system, and it needs to change.

Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) is a profile of both autism and ADHD, where any kind of demand—no matter how small—feels like a loss of control. It’s not that we’re intentionally avoiding things; it’s that our brains are wired to feel panic when something is expected of us. And in postpartum, where demands are endless—feeding, changing, soothing—it’s like overload on every level. For moms with PDA, this can quickly lead to postpartum anxiety because the constant demands feel suffocating, triggering that “fight or flight” response, and making it harder to cope with day-to-day life.

Lanisoh conducted a survey a few years back and the while the majority of women who participated felt prepared to care for their baby, 92% said there were parts of the postpartum period they were not prepared for. Nearly two-thirds or more were unprepared for breastfeeding, mental health concerns, lack of sleep, and physical recovery.

We’re sold a story about the postpartum period by Hollywood and the global baby product industry, with a market size estimated at over 320 billion in 2023. The global market is dominated by guess who? Yup — the baby care products market in the US rang in to the tune of USD 25.5 billion in 2023.

Our expectations are way off, and that’s one of the risk factors for postpartum anxiety and depression.

It’s no wonder so many of us out here struggling with postpartum anxiety. Why so many of us hate our husbands after we have a baby. It makes sense that we’re erupting with postpartum rage over a spilled glass of water.  

In this post, I open up about my experience with postpartum anxiety—how it affected my daily life, my struggles with car rides, getting time alone, and how it felt to feel such a lack of control over my life. By sharing my story, I hope to help others understand the reality of postpartum anxiety and offer support and hope to anyone going through it -- This is temporary. You’re not alone. You will survive.

Postpartum isn't supposed to feel this hard. If you're juggling breastfeeding, sleep deprivation, and partner resentment, you're not alone—and you're not failing. And if you're neurospicy, it can be a thousand times harder. Learn 5 ways to make it through without drowning under society's unrealistic expectations.

There is no such thing as the perfect mom. So just stop trying.

The time for change is now.

If you’re an expecting or new mom who doesn’t buy into the bullshit, and you want to build a better world for our kids, I invite you to join me in the Fourth Trimester Revolution.

In many developed nations, postpartum care includes comprehensive support for women's health, and this often includes pelvic floor therapy. PFT addresses the physiological changes that occur during pregnancy and childbirth, particularly the stress placed on the pelvic floor muscles. These muscles play a pivotal role in bladder and bowel control, and when weakened or damaged, can lead to issues like urinary incontinence.

Unfortunately, in the US, there's been a historical lack of emphasis on this aspect of maternal health, and honestly, it's infuriating.

Society has abandoned us. So I say, we abandon it. F*ck society & its norms. We’ve tried to meet the standards, but where has it gotten us? To start, it’s landed us in a maternal mental health crisis, one in which at least 1 in 5 of us are struggling with anxiety/depression. ONE IN FIVE.

It's okay to not have it all together.

(In fact, it’s quite normal.)