How to Build Your Postpartum Village
Motherhood in America, especially in the postpartum period, is hard. We jump head-first into an experience that’s isolating, exhausting, and undervalued. Without the village everyone is always always talking about. New moms are expected to bounce back, do it all, and do so without even a sigh of frustration. The reality of new motherhood in America is nothing like the image of bliss and perfection that’s sold to us by corporations.
The pressure to perform and produce, even when we’re sleep deprived, leaking from all orifices, and our hormones are all over the place, is no joke. So, how can we, as new moms, build a postpartum village in a world that depends on our burnout? It starts by recognizing the failures of our capitalist society and demanding the support and care we deserve.
Here’s how you can begin to build a supportive community, in a society that expects you to do it all alone.
1. Reclaim Your Village
In the USA, we glorify independence and value the “I got this” attitude. We wear it like a badge of honor. But the truth is that no one can thrive on their own in a system that’s built to profit off of our physical and emotional labor. The myth of the “self-made” person who has “pulled themselves up by their bootstraps” is designed to keep us isolated, overwhelmed, and feeling insecure.
New moms need a sustainable support system that will help us manage this incredible transition in our lives—without drowning in anxiety. We need emotional, physical, and practical support, which our society certainly isn’t offering.
Start by looking for:
Emotional support:
You want to identify people who have been through it themselves, who understand the emotional chaos, and can offer a perspective that you can’t yet see. These are the people who have come out on the other side, who get how messy, raw, and real the experience can be. You don’t need folks who will try to “solve” your problems. Instead, you need their shoulder to lean on, open ears for you to vent, and empathy to calm your fears.
These people can be friends, other moms, or even folks in online support groups where women are sharing their own struggles and successes. They can be family members who respect your boundaries, or professionals (like me!) who specialize in the challenges new moms face. What’s most important is finding folks who can hold space for you without judgment.
When you have support like this, you don’t have to pretend like everything’s fine when it’s not. With someone like this in your corner, you’re better able to process your feelings, let out your frustrations, cry if you need to, and be comforted without feeling like you need to be “fixed.”
When you have this kind of support, you don’t feel so isolated in your experience. You realize you’re not alone, and that in itself can be an incredible source of comfort in a world that sets us up to mom on our own.
Physical and Practical Support
I know it might feel uncomfortable to spend money on help, but investing in yourself now is so important. Whether it’s a doula, house cleaner, or meal prep, hiring help means you can focus on healing instead of hustling. How you handle this transition can impact your life and relationships for years. The habits we fall into postpartum tend to stick, and a lot of moms find themselves years later thinking, “How did I get here?” If you can’t afford help, get creative. Ask for support, look for community resources, or find ways to trade. Just don’t skip this step.
If you can’t afford help, get creative. Reach out to friends or family and ask for support—don’t be afraid to let them know what you really need. Look for community resources, or consider trading services with someone who has skills you need. I know it’s hard, and you might feel awkward asking, but this is about you taking care of yourself and setting yourself up for success. You deserve to have help, even if it doesn’t look exactly how you imagined. Don’t skip this step—it’s worth finding a way, no matter how small, to get the support you need.
PRO TIP: Set up a registry at Be Her Village and let your friends and family chip in to support you during this time. You can even add my services to your registry, so they can help you get the exact support you need!
2. Fight Against ‘Bouncing Back’
In capitalism, we’re constantly sold a false narrative of what we should look, feel, and act like after childbirth. Bounce back! Lose the baby weight! Get back to work! Your baby’s not sleeping through the night yet???? This narrative is completely unrealistic—and it’s a what happens when under a system that depends on our insecurity and exhaustion.
This myth of “bouncing back” is built on the backs of industries that make billions of dollars off of our new mom insecurities—beauty, fitness, baby products, and, of course, the whole “perfect mom” persona. It’s all a distraction from what new moms need: rest, support, and time to bond with their babies.
Pushing back against the pressure to perform is a form of resistance. Stop buying all the shit they tell you that you need. You deserve to heal at your own pace, in your own way. Hustle culture has no place in motherhood.
3. Find Holistic, Sustainable Support
Society’s first response to a new mom struggling is often a prescription for anti-depressants. (Well, after they suggest date night, then they suggest meds.) The world we live in profits off our disconnection from nature and from our own bodies, which makes choosing alternative modalities is a revolutionary act.
The wellness industry is a multi-billion-dollar machine, but most of it is designed to sell quick fixes (to privileged or desperate folks), not sustainable health. This is where we, as new moms, need to be strategic.
Start by looking into options like:
Placenta encapsulation: Placenta encapsulation can be a game-changer. It helps balance hormones, boost energy, and support recovery naturally, giving you a much-needed boost during the postpartum period.
Postpartum doulas: These professionals can help ease you through the transition into motherhood, offering physical and emotional support.
Acupuncture, chiropractic care, pelvic floor therapy, and postpartum massage: These services may not be reimbursed by insurance, but they can help you heal your body, mind, and spirit after childbirth.
Choose natural products instead of lining the pockets of big pharma and health “care” CEOs: Herbal sitz bath, nipple balm made with herbs and natural oils, Floradix Iron and Herbs, homemade perineal spray, cloth diapers, essential oils, herbal teas and tinctures, DIY baby wipes with water and natural ingredients, reusable nursing pads, offering an alternative to toxic chemicals, wasteful single-use products, and the corporate-driven, profit-centered approach to motherhood.
4. The Modern-Day Village
These days, physical distance separates many of us from our family and friends. In their place, digital communities can offer an opportunity for connection. But all online spaces are NOT created equal. what we see online is often monetized to sell us products or force us into comparisons. But there are really great, judgment-free spaces where you can find real community. You just have to do some legwork.
Look for online mom groups, especially those with a focus on postpartum mental health, neurodivergent moms, or other niche communities where you can find people who get it. Find a place where you can vent, share your struggles, and get support and advice that aligns with your parenting values.
Virtual communities can help remind you that you’re not alone. They can provide a lifeline in an isolated world. And if you’re feeling isolated, reach out to other moms for support. They might be feeling the same way.
5. Set Boundaries with Capitalism
Capitalism tries to sell you everything you “need” to be a successful mom: the right products, the right services, the right image of motherhood. But you don’t need all of it. In fact, you don’t need most of it. What you need is time to heal, time to bond with your baby, and time to adjust to this insanely radical shift in your life.
Capitalism will try to convince you to do more, that you’re not good enough, that you don’t deserve to sit down and rest.
Fuck. That.
When you’re offered a “quick fix,” reject it. When someone gives you tips about how to get more done, push back. When you’re encouraged to jump back into work, take a stand for your mental health. Giving the middle finger to the capitalist hustle is one of the most powerful acts of resistance you can make as a mother.
And if money is tight (as it often is), there are still ways to get support without going broke. Look for community resources like free or sliding-scale postpartum doulas, local mom groups, online peer support networks, and government programs that may offer mental health support or assistance for new moms. The key is to prioritize support, even if it means finding creative, low-cost alternatives.
6. Invest in Yourself—Without Guilt
Invest in therapies, doulas, lactation consultants, and time for rest—without guilt.
This isn’t indulgence; it’s survival. You’re not a cog in the capitalist machine; you are a whole person, and you deserve this time to be cared for, to heal, and to feel supported. You deserve the mental and physical space to bond with your baby. This time is fleeting, and you owe it to yourself—and to your family—to be present, to enjoy it, and to be well.
Don’t let guilt dictate your choices. When you invest in yourself, you're strengthening not only yourself, but your whole family. And your future.
Take Back Your Postpartum Experience
Redefine what support means and looks like. Reject the unrealistic expectations that society places on us. Prioritize your mental and physical health over productivity. Build a village that nurtures your body, mind, and spirit, and reject the isolation that capitalism thrives on. This might mean pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, but I promise you, it will be worth it.
So, let’s ditch the rugged independence we’ve been taught to strive for. Build the village you deserve—one that supports your well-being, your sanity, and your adventure through postpartum. You deserve to be taken care of, honored, and respected.
Ready to start? Download my Anti-Capitalist Baby Registry and begin building your postpartum village today. Because you deserve to enjoy this.
““Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” ”
