Healing from Loss As A Neurodivergent Mom
TL, DR
Neurodivergent moms may experience grief from pregnancy loss differently, struggling with processing emotions and managing heightened anxiety.
Being aware of your unique emotional needs and neurodivergent traits can help you navigate grief and prevent PMADs.
Setting clear boundaries, getting support from ND-friendly spaces, and acknowledging the impact of neurodivergence on your mental health are key to recovery.
Therapy with a provider who understands neurodivergence, and mindfulness practices can help manage overwhelming feelings and anxiety during this difficult time.
Embrace self-compassion and allow yourself to heal at your own pace, knowing that your grief is valid and individual.
For neurodivergent moms—whether you're autistic, ADHD, or some other level of spice—the experience of pregnancy loss can be even more intense for you than it is for neurotypical moms. Navigating grief and loss in a world that doesn't always understand your brain or emotional needs can leave you feeling disconnected, misunderstood, and overwhelmed.
As a neurodivergent mom myself, I know firsthand that the usual advice or coping mechanisms might not feel like they work for you. What feels "healing" for some may feel like more pressure for you. The sensory overload, the inability to filter emotions, the all-consuming thoughts, and the struggle to regulate your emotional experience can make the process of grieving much more challenging. In addition, many of us have a heightened sensitivity to change and stress, which means the emotional trauma of loss can feel all-encompassing.
It’s okay not to grieve the way others do. There is no “right” way to process your emotions, and it’s okay if your grief looks different from what others expect or understand.
1. Your Unique Grieving Process
As a neurodivergent person, you may grieve in ways that others don’t understand. For example, you might feel overwhelmed by sensory stimuli, have difficulty expressing your grief verbally, or experience intense emotional reactions in waves that folks might not expect. That's okay. Your experience of grief doesn't need to fit into a mold.
Don’t Apologize: You may process your feelings differently—through journaling, creating art, or through sensory tools (like fidgets, tactile objects, soft fabrics, or sound). If you need to cocoon yourself in a quiet, low-stimulation environment to help process your grief, do it.
Set Boundaries for Emotional Regulation: If emotional overwhelm is a concern, it's important to set boundaries for yourself. Let yourself hide away when you need to. And don’t be afraid to let others know when you need space. Communicate your needs with those around you, and explain that it's not about them, it’s about how your brain processes emotions. If you need to use text or email instead of a direct conversation, that’s okay!
2. Sensory Overload and Emotional Regulation
Grief can cause sensory overload—loud noises, bright lights, or too much visual stimulation can be too much to handle when you’re already emotionally depleted.
Create a Calming Space: If you're struggling with sensory overload, designate a “safe space” in your home or elsewhere where you can retreat to when everything feels like too much. This space can be sensory-friendly, with dim lighting, soft textures, and calming sounds. Have sensory tools on hand (like fidget toys, weighted blankets, or noise-canceling headphones) to help you ground yourself.
Use Sensory Grounding: If you’re feeling overwhelmed emotionally or sensory-wise, grounding techniques can be really helpful. Simple things like squeezing a stress ball, running your hands through soft fabrics, or listening to calming music can help you manage the overwhelm.
3. Hyperfocus and Emotional Attachment
One thing many neurodivergent moms experience is hyperfocus, whether on a task, a thought, or an emotion. Sometimes this can lead to becoming fixated on your grief, rethinking it over and over, replaying "what-ifs" or even experiencing a type of emotional paralysis.
Give Yourself Permission to Take Breaks: Hyperfocus can feel all-encompassing, but remember that it’s okay to take breaks and step back from your grief when you need it. This doesn’t mean you’re not grieving—it just means you’re taking the time to give your mind and body the space to recharge.
Be Gentle with Yourself: If your emotions feel like too much for you to handle, give yourself permission to sit with them for and then take a mental break. It’s okay to put your grief on a mental shelf for a while, just to get some space. When you come back, you might be able to process your emotions more clearly.
4. Build Your Own Healing Plan
You might find it more effective to create your own healing strategies — ones that feel authentic to you, instead of relying on external advice.
Structure Your Healing: Many neurodivergent individuals thrive on structure. Consider creating a healing plan that includes time for self-care, reflection, and processing. This could look like setting daily intentions or creating small, achievable goals that allow you to check in with your emotional state and make adjustments as needed. For example: “Today, I’m going to listen to calming music for 30 minutes” or “I’m going to journal my thoughts for 10 minutes.”
Find Comfort in Rituals: Rituals can be comforting during times of loss, and having a consistent routine or ritual can help you feel anchored. This might mean a daily meditation or lighting a candle for your baby at a certain time each day. Creating routines around honoring your baby’s memory can be quite healing.
5. Access Neurodivergent-Specific Resources
You don’t need to del with this loss alone, and there are resources designed specifically for neurodivergent moms to help with grief, emotional regulation, and mental health.
Therapists Specializing in Neurodivergence: It can be helpful to work with a therapist who specializes in working with moms with ADHD or autism. You can find specialists through online directories, such as the Neurodivergent Counseling Network or The Inclusive Provider Directory.
6. Honor Your Journey
Pregnancy loss is heartbreaking, and the grief may never fully leave. And as a neurodivergent mom, you have your own particular ways of processing, healing, and moving forward. Your experience will be uniquely yours, and that's okay. There’s no timeline for grief, and there’s no “right” way to get through it. Use tools and strategies that resonate with you and do this your way.
If you're a neurodivergent mom struggling with the aftermath of pregnancy loss, I’m here to help. Healing is not linear, but with the right support, you can navigate this difficult time with compassion and understanding.
Book a free call with me today to explore how I can support you.
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