Embrace Your Brain, Defy Norms, and Kick Butt As A Neurodivergent Mom
Key Takeaways
ADHD and Autism in Women Are Often Misdiagnosed or Overlooked
Many women grow up unaware they are neurodivergent because ADHD and autism present differently in women. Instead of being identified, they are labeled with stereotypes like "sensitive" or "quirky."
Motherhood often reveals neurodivergent traits due to hormonal changes, sleep deprivation, and added pressures, making self-awareness and diagnosis essential.
Diagnosis Brings Clarity, Confidence, and Validation
Understanding your neurodivergent brain helps shift the narrative from self-blame to self-empowerment.
A diagnosis can answer lifelong questions like, "Why am I struggling?" and provide a framework for building a life that aligns with your strengths.
It’s not about fixing something "broken"; it's about thriving in a world not designed for your brain.
Building Support Systems That Work for You Is Key
Tools like visual schedules, sensory-friendly environments, and clear routines benefit both neurodivergent moms and their babies.
Self-care isn’t optional; it’s a non-negotiable for regulating your emotions and meeting your baby’s needs.
Personalized support, such as coaching, therapy, or community groups, can provide the validation and tools you need to thrive.
Societal Systems Fail Neurodivergent Moms
Mainstream maternity and postpartum care rarely account for the unique needs of ADHD and autistic mothers.
Misdiagnosis or lack of diagnosis increases the risk of postpartum depression and anxiety.
Empowerment Starts With Awareness and Action
Take the Postpartum Anxiety Risk Assessment to identify your risk factors and get ahead of potential struggles.
Consider tailored packages designed specifically for neurodivergent moms, with strategies, support, and tools that truly work for your brain.
ADHD and Misdiagnosis
One of the reasons moms struggle postpartum is that they often have a neurodivergent brain – and don’t even know it. ADHD and autism present differently in women than they do in men, which means many of us grow up without realizing we’re neurodivergent. Instead, we get labeled as “sensitive,” “quirky,” “anxious,” or “bitchy.” We learn to mask our neurodivergent traits to try to fit in with neurotypicals.
But then – motherhood.
For many of us, our neurodivergent traits become impossible to ignore after we have a baby.
Lack of sleep, hormonal changes, and partners who, no matter how hard some of them try (I refuse to give them all credit here because some don’t actually try at all), just don’t get it make it even harder. Emotional dysregulation, forgetfulness, and time blindness all rear their heads and take us completely off guard. Without a diagnosis, we have no choice but to blame ourselves, which leads to feelings of shame, failure, and isolation.
The Importance of Accurate Diagnosis
ADHD and autism are not disorders – and no – vaccines and sugar and shit have nothing to do with it. We have different brains. That’s it. So if you refuse to keep up with recent research and want to argue about this, just please STFU with that noise and move on. That nonsense a’int welcome here.
And so we’re clear, I argue that our brains are better. The only reason we struggle is because the neurotypicals built a world that world for THEM, and there are more of those weirdos than there are of us. (For now, anyway.)
Dr. Edward Hallowell, an ADHD expert explains, “It's not a deficit of anything, it's an abundance,” he says. “It's not a disorder of anything, it's a trait.” And for new moms in struggle, this perspective can save our lives. When we learn about our amazing brains, we can turn our perceived weaknesses into strengths that we’re proud of instead of ashamed of.
A diagnosis gives us clarity and validation. It gives us the power to say, “My house is a fucking mess – and so fucking what. My kids are safe and loved and happy, and they have a happy mom.”
It gives us answers to questions we’ve asked ourselves for our whole lives, like: “Why am I such a hot mess?” or “Why don’t I fit in anywhere?” or “Why is everything ten times harder for me than it seems to be for everyone else?”
Parenting ADHD Kids Starts With Understanding Your Own Brain
ADHD Is Hereditary – Mostly?
If you’re neurodivergent, there’s a good chance your child will be too. ADHD and autism have strong genetic components, and understanding your own brain is super important if you want to support theirs. When you know your neurotype, you’re better prepared to:
Recognize signs of ADHD or autism in your child
Create a parenting style that works for your family’s unique needs
Develop tools and strategies to help you and your child build executive function skills
Tools for Parenting To Help Yourself and Your Neurodivergent Baby
Visual Schedules: Many neurodivergent individuals need structure, but creating and maintaining structure can be difficult for neurodivergent moms. Even with babies, using visual tools like charts or simple picture schedules can help create predictable routines that reduce stress for everyone. For example, a visual chart showing the sequence of a morning routine—feeding, diaper change, and tummy time—can help you stay on track and build consistency. Establishing these patterns early can also help lay the foundation for your baby’s future independence.
Clear Cues: Babies may not understand language yet, but they thrive on clear, consistent cues. For example, using the same word or sound paired with an action—like saying "up" every time you pick them up—can help them start to understand what to expect. Creating a predictable flow of activities helps reduce overwhelm for both you and your baby.
Pay Attention to Sensory Needs: Neurodivergent moms are sensitive! We’re usually deeply attuned to sensory experiences—textures, sounds, smells, or lights can be comforting or completely overstimulating. Babies are just tiny humans who have their own sensory needs, and being mindful of this can make life easier for both of you. I don’t know about you but if I’m wearing uncomfortable clothes, I get super grouchy – babies are no different! Certain fabrics might irritate your baby’s skin (or your own!), or the noise level in a busy room might cause overstimulation and cause them to freak out. Pay attention to what seems to soothe or upset your baby and adjust accordingly. If textures or certain sensations set you off, plan ahead with alternatives that work for both of you, like soft clothing for your baby or noise-canceling headphones for yourself.
Keeping Your Head Above Water as Neurodivergent Mom
Build Routines and Systems
ADHD brains crave structure. Creating consistent routines for yourself and your baby can help reduce some of that overwhelm and help regulate your emotions. Tools like visual schedules, checklists, and timers can make daily tasks more manageable.
One of my recent clients texted me the other day to say…
She’d been struggling to manage her own sensory overwhelm while caring for her 3-month-old baby. The baby had started losing her shit (pun intended) during diaper changes, and she couldn’t figure out why. I asked if anything had changed in the diaper-changing routine, and that’s when it clicked—she’d started using new wipes that felt and smelled different. Maybe they were too rough for her baby’s skin, or maybe her baby just hated the smell. She switched back to the unscented wipes she’d been using before, and problem solved.
Sometimes, it’s that simple. But it’s not easy if that’s not where your brain naturally goes.
As neurodivergent moms with likely neurodivergent babies, we need to learn to tune into both our baby’s sensory needs and our own. Babies can’t tell us what’s bothering them, but as neurodivergent moms, we know firsthand the wide range of sensory triggers that can set us off. It’s worth considering whether those same things might be affecting our baby too.
By making small adjustments and being mindful of our own and our baby’s sensory triggers, we’re better able to create a calmer, more comfortable environment for us and our babies.
Remember that meeting your own needs often helps you better meet your baby’s needs, too.
Prioritize Self-Care
Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s imperative for your postpartum mental health. Taking time to recharge can make a huge difference in how you show up for your family. Ask for help. Set clear boundaries– especially around your time. Scheduling alone time.
Manage Sensory Overload
Identify your sensory triggers and find ways to minimize them. Noise-canceling headphones, dim lighting, and a decluttered (AKA minimalist) can help reduce sensory overwhelm.
For instance, if the sound of crying triggers anxiety, try using headphones to listen to calming music while you bounce and shush your baby. Or, if clutter feels overwhelming, dedicate 10 minutes every night to neatening up high-traffic areas. Schedule time to clean and organize if you need to. And if you can, hire someone to do it.
Seek Support
You don’t have to figure this out all by yourself. You are not alone. Join support groups, work with a coach, find an inclusive therapist, or postpartum support person (like me!) who understands ADHD and autism. They can provide the encouragement and tools you need to feel like you’re not drowning. Finding a community of moms like you can be incredibly validating and empowering.
Societal Challenges for Neurodivergent Moms
Most care providers drop the ball when it comes to recognizing the unique challenges faced by neurodivergent moms. Maternity care rarely includes screening for neurodivergence, and postpartum support systems are rarely designed with neurodivergent needs in mind. This leaves many of us feeling invisible and unsupported during one of the most vulnerable times of our lives.
When we do reach out for help, we’re often met with lame-ass advice like, “Sleep when the baby sleeps.” It’s like they don’t want to be bothered with us.
The Cost of Misdiagnosis
Women with undiagnosed ADHD are more likely to experience postpartum depression and anxiety. Without an understanding of their neurodivergence, they may blame themselves for struggles that are, in reality, a natural part of how their brains function.
Remember: We struggle because the world wasn’t built for our brains. We are not broken. We are fucking awesome. It’s the world that sucks.
Moving Forward
Accurate diagnosis and targeted support can transform the postpartum experience for ADHD and autistic moms. By understanding your brain, getting the support you deserve, and building systems that work for you, you, too, can enjoy a calmer, more manageable postpartum journey—free from the constant overwhelm and anxiety.
It starts with understanding your unique risk factors. I invite you to take the Postpartum Anxiety Risk Assessment. This tool helps identify where you might need the most support and empowers you to take control before the stress builds.
I offer placenta encapsulation services for moms local to South Jersey, to help you get started on the right foot. But if placenta pills aren’t your thing, or you’re already struggling postpartum, I have packages for you, too.
My packages go beyond the basics. They’re tailored for neurodivergent moms like you, offering personalized strategies, on-call support, ADHD-optimized resources, and a compassionate mentor (me!) who gets it.
Take the next step toward an anxiety-free postpartum experience. Let’s build a life that works for you.
