Unfiltered Truth: Communication, Society's Bullsh*t, and Owning Your Voice
I’ve always had a hard time communicating face-to-face. Especially when there’s conflict involved. If I get interrupted, I lose my train of thought. If someone says something I want to respond to, I need to respond right away, otherwise, I’ll forget what I was going to say. It takes my brain a longer time than many to process the information that comes at me, so it’s hard to absorb what’s being said. Sometimes things get lost in the mix, and sometimes my words just come out wrong.
My partner and I often run into trouble with this because my interruptions completely throw him off track and we sometimes end up not hearing each other.
In the past, whenever I’ve had a conflict with someone, my default is to text or write an email. And I’ve always felt like that was the cowardly way out. I’ve felt like I’ve been judged for not being brave enough to talk it out and to say it to their face.
But the more I learn about my brain and the way it functions, the more pissed off I am that society convinced me that looking someone in the eyes is the only way to communicate what we need to say. I can’t believe I bought into this for so long.
But fuck that. Words written with intention hold just as much power as words coming out of the mouth. It’s time we dismantle the idea that speaking directly is the only "right" way to “legitimately” communicate.
Communication isn't a one-size-fits-all kinda thing, and if you’re like me and prefer to write it out rather than hash it out, I want to give you some permission slips.
It’s okay to send a text instead.
It’s okay to write an email instead.
It’s okay to write a note instead.
Communication doesn’t need to be confined to a single method. It's not about the medium; it's about the message. You own your voice, and no one else has a right to tell you how to use it. Choose whatever channel amplifies your authenticity, your fierceness, and your truth.
PS – I absolutely love the Marco Polo messaging app for this purpose. My partner and I have hashed out so many disagreements this way.
I find that leaving a video message for him allows me to get all of my thoughts out without being misunderstood the way I might be in writing because there are facial expressions and tones involved that help him better understand what I’m saying and how I intend to say it. And he is able to hear me completely and respond when he’s ready. I stop the videos, take notes about what I want to say in response, and I am able to watch and listen multiple times so I don't miss anything. It’s really done wonders for our relationship.
I’m not an affiliate or anything, I just credit the app for helping me be a better communicator. The more practice I get communicating with him in this way, the easier it has been for me to communicate with others, even when I have to do it in person. I hope this helps!
