Postpartum Anxiety or Postpartum Betrayal? Motherhood in the Modern Era
I’m hyper aware of the way I’m perceived.
And I hate conflict.
And I don’t understand social hierarchy.
I mean, I get the concept, but I don’t buy into it.
Never have.
And that can get tricky in my line of work.
Because I’m constantly rubbing elbows with (and asking for referrals from) professionals who in some cases act as gatekeepers and/or tend to present their personal opinions as facts.
And let’s be honest, some care providers can really get their hair up when challenged by the lay folk.
And that’s exactly what I’m about to do. I’m calling out the care providers here and challenging them to either do more, or promise less.
Maybe it’s not postpartum anxiety, after all.
Maybe it’s betrayal.
Maybe we’ve just been failed by a system that too often rushes to judgment without comprehending (or even caring about) the complexities of our experience.
And maybe Instead of handing out a script, maybe our care providers need to further investigate the root causes of our stress and struggles; maybe our care providers need to dig deeper, to admit when they don't have all the answers, and to advocate fiercely for the support we deserve because, as I hypothesize here, maybe what we're experiencing as postpartum anxiety might not be anxiety at all.
Our care providers, the ones we turn to for guidance, have too often fallen short. We've laid our hearts on the line, desperately hoped that their wisdom and support would show us the way out, only to be met with empty platitudes or worse, dismissal.
It's a bitter pill to swallow – to feel betrayed and let down by those who we trust to have our backs. Instead of a lifeline, we're often handed a dismissive shrug and told to "it’s a normal part of motherhood and it will pass.”
And then there's the "burnt out” narrative.
We haven’t fucking burnt out; we've been betrayed by a society that fails to prioritize the well-being of mothers. This betrayal runs so deep that many of us hesitate to even share how we feel with our care providers. We've been ignored, shamed, belittled, blamed, and misinformed so many times throughout our lives that trust is a fragile commodity. It's high time our care providers accepted their responsibility to dig deeper, to admit when they don't have all the answers, and to advocate fiercely for the support we deserve.
So let’s discuss.
The Changing Landscape of Motherhood
Alright, let's break this down. Motherhood isn’t quite what it used to be, and we need to dissect how we got here. In the past, it was often characterized by single-income households, less external stimuli, and more defined roles. There were fewer financial stressors, lower expectations, and extended family support systems.
However, today's moms find themselves in a starkly different landscape. The necessity for dual-income families is common, leading to increased financial pressures. There's a constant barrage of external stimuli (thank you internet and tech toys everywhere), and the expectations for mothers to balance careers, households, and social lives are exceptionally high. These shifts in circumstances have created a perfect storm, where modern mothers face unique challenges that previous generations might not have encountered.
But let’s be clear. We’re not whining about hormones and sleepless nights. We love our babies and are arguably the greatest mothers this world has ever seen.
When we’re screaming from the rooftops about how hard postpartum life can be, it’s because we’re trying to meet the relentless demands of a world that never stops, the guilt that weighs us down, and the unrealistic standards we're expected to meet.
Enter Postpartum Anxiety (PPA)
Let's dive into the what postpartum anxiety (PPA) actually looks like so you can being to grasp its intricacies and nuances.
1. How is Postpartum Anxiety different from Postpartum Depression?
PPA oftens present along side of postpartum depression (PPD). While both share common ground in the realm of postpartum mental health, they manifest differently. PPA is characterized by relentless worry, fear, and anxiety that can transform the simplest tasks into monumental challenges, while PPD typically involves persistent sadness and a feeling of emotional numbness.
2. The Telltale Signs of PPA
To understand PPA fully, you need to know its signs and symptoms. Sometimes it looks like constantly worrying that your baby isn't safe, irrational fears that something dreadful will happen, and a physical toll that includes a racing heart and muscle tension. The inability to sleep due to racing thoughts and decision-making difficulties are also part of the PPA package. It can also present as rage or anger.
3. Unmasking the Risk Factors
PPA doesn't discriminate; it can affect anyone. Still, some individuals are at a higher risk. It's important to recognize that those with neurodivergent traits, such as ADHD or autism, might be more susceptible to PPA. The unique way we experience the world can amplify the anxiety associated with new motherhood.
4. PPA's Missing Link: The DSM Oversight
Possibly the most significant challenge we face is that PPA doesn't even make an appearance in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). This glaring omission has profound implications, as it can lead to PPA being overlooked or misdiagnosed, often masquerading as other conditions or neurodivergent traits.
Understanding these crucial aspects of PPA is the first step in dismantling its hold on new moms and empowering them with the knowledge to confront it head-on.
A Hidden Struggle
One of the gravest challenges with PPA is its knack for slipping under the radar. It's often unrecognized, leaving mothers to grapple silently with their inner turmoil. This misrecognition can be a significant roadblock to seeking help and finding relief.
PPA is also a master of disguise, and frequently mimics signs of neurodivergence. Its symptoms, like hyper-vigilance, obsessive thoughts, and sensory sensitivities, can mirror traits associated with conditions like ADHD or autism. This resemblance can lead to misdiagnoses, complicating the journey to recovery.
Possibly one of the most painful aspects of PPA is the silence, shame, guilt, and isolation it imposes on mothers. Many feel alone in their struggles and are unable to articulate the emotional whirlwind they're experiencing. It's a solitude that can be as crippling as the anxiety itself.
My goal is to arm you with the knowledge and support that you need to confront PPA's deceptive veil and reclaim your well-being.
Society's Role in Alleviating PPA: A Call to Action
Society plays a crucial role in both perpetuating and mitigating postpartum anxiety (PPA). Brace yourself; this is where we roll up our sleeves and get down to business.
I won’t sugar-coat it – PPA could often be avoided if only families were offered more robust societal support. Society's expectations, norms, and policies have a profound impact on new mothers. Recognizing this, we have a moral imperative to shift the narrative and make motherhood more manageable. It's time we stop pushing new moms to the brink and instead offer them actual support.
Knowledge is power, and in the case of PPA, it's our greatest weapon. I'm here to encourage you to arm yourself with strategies and tools that can help prevent or manage PPA. Preparation is key, and utilizing available resources can make all the difference in navigating the challenges of new motherhood.
Empowering Change for a New Motherhood Experience
Repeat after me: seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness. Setting boundaries is a declaration of self-worth, and asking for help is a testament to resilience. These actions are essential. In a world that often expects mothers to do it all, it's time to flip the script and prioritize your well-being.
The final call to action is to give a big middle finger to societal norms. This isn’t too much to ask; I’m advocating for basic humanity here – the right to raise our children without unnecessary suffering. We must dismantle the obstacles that fuel PPA and build a world where motherhood is supported with empathy, understanding, and actual tangible support.
It’s true – postpartum anxiety (PPA) is on the rise. It’s surge in recent years is undeniable, which is a testament to the unique challenges new mothers face in today's world, challenges that can no longer be brushed aside. We've arrived at a crossroads where we must demand a profound societal shift. The status quo will not cut it. Mothers and families deserve more than what society is offering.
We hold a collective responsibility to change the narrative. We must equip new moms with the tools they need to navigate motherhood with resilience and peace.
Note: I often use the term "mothers" in this context, even though I'm referring to all new parents who identify as mothers. While "mothers" has traditionally been associated with parenting, it's crucial to acknowledge that these postpartum challenges can affect individuals of all gender identities who become parents. By using "mothers," I don't intend to exclude anyone. Instead, it's a way to address these shared experiences while recognizing the diverse identities of new parents. My aim is always to promote inclusivity, understanding, and support for everyone who embarks on the journey of parenthood.
