Time is Measured in Minutes, Not Money: The Shared Labor of Parenthood

In a capitalist society, we measure value in dollars and cents. Which is actually pretty fucked up.

Because when you really think about it, time is the most valuable currency of all. It can’t be “found”, “made”, bought, or traded. This is especially true in parenting, where the clock keeps ticking regardless of your job title or paycheck.

As a new mom home on maternity leave, I felt immense pressure to do it all. I carried with me profound guilt about not earning an income. And this came wholly from me, not from my spouse. When my baby wasn’t even 6 months old, I’d already started working on a side-hustle so I could earn some cash and extend my maternity leave.

I’ve always had a pretty shitty money mindset, and being home without a paycheck exacerbated this big time.

I was constantly worried about money, stressed about every dollar we spent. And this bled out onto my then-husband, who picked up every extra paid gig he could. As a middle school teacher, this meant chaperoning dances and skating parties, and coaching all three seasons.

His absence, while it alleviated some of the worry about money, ended up causing us a shit ton of other problems that eventually led to our divorce.

When he was home, he needed to work on lesson plans and grading papers, so I needed to keep the kids occupied. His work was paid. How could I ask for time “off” if he was constantly working on earning the cash? I literally never had a break. Even on the weekends.

This mindset set us up for failure. Don’t be like us.

The Double Duty: 9 to 5 & Parenthood

In order to avoid being like us, consider looking at it this way… Both parents clock in at their “9-to-5” jobs (their day job). It doesn't matter who's the breadwinner or if one is home—each is putting in a full day's work. And when the work day “ends”, you both clock in for the second shift — parenthood and household management.

Repeat after me: Money doesn't exempt anyone from the shared labor of parenting. It's not about who brings home the bigger paycheck; it's about building a life together, and that's got to be a team effort.

It doesn’t matter if your boss is signing your paychecks or shitting their pants — you do not need to EARN the right to relax. Relaxation and time off is a basic human need. We all deserve time to ourselves to reset and recharge, regardless of how much money we bring home or who we answer to at work.

The Recipe for Success: Shared Labor

The beauty of modern parenting is that there's no one-size-fits-all approach. You can use methods like Eve Rodsky's "Fair Play," or simply take turns with daily tasks, like bedtime, bath time, and meal prep. The key is that no parent has "earned" the right to watch the other struggle.

Let's be clear: when one partner expects the other to shoulder the entire mental and emotional load, it's a recipe for disaster. It's time to throw that notion out the window.

Your Worth is Non-Negotiable

If you’re the primary parent of an infant and feel like you’re juggling it all, NOW is the time to remedy this situation. It will not get better on its own. The habits and systems that get set in place during early motherhood are often the habits and systems that stick with you — whether or not they are serving you. Your worth is non-negotiable. You deserve to live a life where the load is shared equally, where you're supported, and where your partner is as invested in your family's well-being as you are.

Demanding that your partner participate more isn't about questioning their love or commitment; it's about recognizing that parenthood is a partnership, one in which both partners participate in a way that feels fair and equitable to both of you.

Empowerment in Parenthood

It's time to empower yourself, mama. Believe in your worth, and demand the support you deserve.

Remember, time is measured in minutes, and those precious minutes should be spent building a life together, not shouldering the load alone. It's time to rewrite the rules, reset the balance, and create a family dynamic that thrives on shared labor, love, and respect.

Stick Around!

I’d love it if you’d come hang out with me at my free workshop, “Postpartum Doesn’t Have to Suck!”

Click here to register. It’s free, fun, and you’ll learn stuff!