Anxious Moms, Beware

Excessive self-isolation, comparison and self-judgment, information overload, overextending yourself, neglecting self-care, avoiding getting help, excessive monitoring, over-committing and overbooking, and ignoring your physical health — these are all things that you might do that could have a negative impact on your postpartum experience.

It’s not like these things are new to us, but pre-baby, we just deal with these things in whatever ways we’ve managed to deal with them, but when a baby enters the picture, our old coping mechanisms usually won’t work anymore. I want you to consider the potential impact of these behaviors on your mental and physical well-being, as well as the impact they’ll have on your overall experience as a mom. By being aware of these challenges and taking proactive steps to address them, you’ll be better prepared to navigate the journey of motherhood with greater resilience, self-compassion, and support.

So here are some things that anxious moms need to pay close attention to —

Excessive self-isolation: 

Do not stay home alone all day, all the time, by yourself, with no one to talk to. I repeat do not stay home alone all day. Even if it feels awkward and possibly terrifying, force yourself to get out of the house on a regular basis in any way that you can stand. Even if your baby screams in the car seat, even if you’re nervous about nursing in public, even if you hate the way you look right now. I want to encourage you to step out of your comfort zone, even if it feels a bit scary at first. Face those fears, Mama, and get out there and find your mom friends. You deserve a support system that understands you and has your back. Find a mom group, attend local meetups, or join online communities. Trust me, there are incredible women out there who are ready to uplift and support you.

Comparison and self-judgment: 

Absolutely 100% drop the comparison and the self-judgment. If that means you have to stay off of social media or curate your social media pages, then do that. Your number one priority here is your mental health. Not only for your own well-being but also for your baby’s. Remind yourself that your baby chose you for a reason and that you are perfect just as you are. Do not compare yourself to other moms — you know this — they are all dealing with their own shit.  This is why I encourage you to set realistic expectations for what you think this postpartum experience will look like — talk about it with other moms so you're sure that your expectations are realistic. Talk about it with your partner and anyone else who might be in your support network so that they understand your expectations and can help meet your needs. You are on your very own path — one that will teach you the lessons that you, specifically, came here to learn. Focus on your own progress and growth and remember that no matter how much it looks like the next girl has it all together, she doesn't. None of us does. We’re all just figuring it out as we go.

Information overload: 

I know this is going to be hard for you, but stop researching so much. There is an endless amount of information out there these days, which I believe leads to so much of our anxiety. You've got to be disciplined here — limit the amount of time you spend looking for information about parenting and baby care. Yes, knowledge is important, but too much information can absolutely (and probably already has) contribute to your anxiety, even though you probably think that it’s benefitting you and your baby. Trust your instincts and find one or two people and resources that you can turn to when needed and stick to those specifically. Do not get yourself sucked into rabbit holes. Only you can control this. Only you can control whether or not you type that question into Google or into the Facebook group full of strangers who may or may not share your values. Commit to stop doing it. It is not serving you.

Overextending yourself:

Learn to say no, delegate tasks, ask for help when you need it, set boundaries, do not take on too many responsibilities, and do not feel the need to do everything, all the time, for everyone, perfectly. Again, these are things that you, and only you, have control over. You can read this and think, “Yeah, she's right,” but the only thing that's going to make a difference in your life is you deciding right now to actually do it. Prioritize self-care; enlist help – this doesn't make you “less than”. Yeah, people might not do it the way you would do it, but that is OKAY. Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? I get it – I want both, too – but in the end, my own mental, emotional, and physical well-being has to come first –  because otherwise, I cannot be the best mom that I can be for my kiddos. When you overextend yourself and try to do too much, you won’t be able to be present for all the reasons that you wanted to be a mom in the first place. You're going to miss them. Focus. Hone in. Keep your life as simple as possible. Say no whenever possible. Protect your time like it’s diamonds.

Neglecting self-care: 

Listen I'm going to say this a million times if you stick around, but self-care is not selfish; self-care is essential. And I'm not talking about the self-care that you hear about on social media like face masks and bubble baths. I'm talking about the real underlying stuff that allows you to prioritize yourself. I'm talking about self-worth, self-love, and self-compassion. Because when you have those things ingrained in your psyche, you will treat your time like it's diamonds; you will set boundaries; you will say no; you will treat yourself the way you want your child to be treated. Do not neglect your own self-care needs. Make time for whatever it is that helps you relax, recharge, and decrease those stress levels. Maybe for you, it is taking a bubble bath, but if you're going to take a bubble bath, it better damn well last as long as you want it to, and nobody better bang on the door. Maybe for you, it's yoga or meditation; or maybe it's reading or gardening or baking or hiking – whatever it is, it’s mandatory that you prioritize yourself. Because guess what, girlfriend? When you give give give, there's nothing left for you – and eventually, there's nothing left to give anyone else.

Excessive monitoring: 

I know this is another one that’s going to be very hard for you –  but please try your best to avoid constantly monitoring your baby or checking on them excessively. Trust yourself and trust in the safety measures that you have in place. Allow yourself to rest and relax. Because being in a heightened state of awareness all the time, such as when you're experiencing anxiety, can have so many negative effects on your body. It triggers the release of cortisol and adrenaline, which are stress hormones — that's nature's way of preparing you for a fight or flight response. This can then lead to physical manifestations, such as an increased heart rate, rapid breathing, tense muscles, and digestive problems. When you're in these heightened states of awareness for a long time, your body simply becomes exhausted, which then leads to fatigue and difficulty sleeping, and a compromised immune system. That can lead to headaches, irritability, and difficulty concentrating. Living in a constant state of heightened awareness can really mess you up, which is why, again, it is so important to practice self-care and seek the support that you need to manage and alleviate your anxiety. Now, if you look at these symptoms, you might think, “Well that's just motherhood,” and yes for many of us it is, but it doesn't have to be. That's my point.

Ignoring physical health:

I know, I know, quite often this is the first thing to go. Because eating a balanced diet, getting some sort of regular exercise going, making sure you get enough sleep, etc these things all feel impossible in the beginning. And that is why it is so important to make a postpartum plan that is comprehensive, one that will help you ensure that these things happen in those first weeks and months when you just feel exhausted and overwhelmed and no one wants to cook.

Avoiding professional help: 

If your anxiety becomes overwhelming; if it interferes with your daily functioning; if you just generally aren't enjoying motherhood, find a good therapist who aligns with your values. Therapists who specialize in perinatal and postpartum care can offer you a safe and non-judgmental space to kind of dig into your feelings your fears and all of the challenges you're facing around motherhood. They can help you identify and understand the underlying causes of your anxiety; they can help you develop coping strategies and learn techniques so that you can manage these anxious thoughts and behaviors. You can also reach out to your primary care physician because, for some, the use of prescription medications can be life-changing. I know this from personal experience. I resisted medication for years until I finally had a nervous breakdown (or what Brene Brown would call “A Spiritual Awakening”) and decided at that moment that, yes, I needed medication. And within days, my life changed. If this is an option for you, it might be one worth exploring. Of course, medication isn't for everyone and I'm not a doctor, but as someone who lives as close to a natural lifestyle as possible without making myself insane (anymore), I understand the resistance to using medication, and I understand that it is sometimes necessary.

Motherhood is undoubtedly a transformative and beautiful journey, but it can also be overwhelming and challenging, especially when dealing with anxiety. But when you are able to acknowledge the negative impact of the self-sabotaging behaviors you unknowingly engage in, you can empower yourself to break free from these harmful patterns and create a sense of calm and well-being. Remember, you are not alone. Reaching out for help, setting boundaries, practicing self-care, and prioritizing your mental and physical well-being are crucial steps you can take toward being the best mom you can be for your baby. Utilize the support that’s available to you, and remember that self-compassion and self-care are essential ingredients for a fulfilling and joyful motherhood experience.

Need some nudging? Go ahead and join my 7-Day Anxiety-Free Postpartum Challenge here. Over the course of 7 days, I’ll send you emails with small, actionable steps that you can take right away to set yourself on the path toward an anxiety-free postpartum.