Wait, What? I Gotta Build My Own Village?

Unfortunately, yep. In today's world (here in the US, at least), most of us are building our own villages of support. It’s super lame, and yes, assembling a postpartum support team adds another thing to the already-long to-do list, but if you don’t do it, no one shows up. And that, I can promise you, sucks way worse than having to build the village. But not to worry. I'm here to help you start the process and find the right people to join your team. 

Let’s get into it.

First, when you’re trying to think of people who you’d want on your support team, consider the following qualities: 

Empathy: Look for people who can genuinely understand and relate to your experiences and emotions during the postpartum period.

Non-Judgmental Attitude: Look for people who create a safe and supportive space without passing judgment on your choices or actions as a new parent.

Availability: Prioritize those who are willing and available to help when you need it, whether it's checking household tasks off the list, caring for the baby when needed, or offering emotional support.

Active Listening Skills: Choose people who can actively listen to your concerns, without interrupting, trying to “fix”, or dismissing your feelings, and who can provide compassionate and thoughtful responses.

Practical Assistance: Consider people who might be willing to offer practical assistance, such as running errands, preparing meals, or helping with childcare.

Reliable and Trustworthy: Look for people who follow through on their commitments, can be relied upon to provide support when needed, and maintain confidentiality when discussing personal matters.

Positive and Supportive Attitude: Surround yourself with people who uplift and encourage you, both physically and energetically, and who can help boost your confidence and mental well-being.

Knowledge and Understanding: Seek out people who have knowledge or experience with postpartum challenges, including infant care, breastfeeding, and emotional adjustments.

Flexibility and Adaptability: Consider people who are flexible and understanding when plans change or unexpected situations arise.

Respectful of Boundaries: Choose people who respect your boundaries and are mindful of your preferences regarding visitors, parenting decisions, and personal space during the postpartum period.

Now that you’ve got some people in mind,  how can you be sure they'll show up for you the way you need them to? 

Consider past experiences

Reflect on how these individuals have performed in the past when you've needed them. Think about times that were really exciting, like planning a wedding, or situations that were traumatic or negative. How did they show up for you? Use those actions as clues to predict how they'll act after your baby arrives. If you weren't happy with their support in the past, go back to step one and have that conversation with them.

Consider their willingness to learn

They should all have the willingness to learn about your expectations and the way you want to navigate this postpartum journey. Instead of just sharing their own opinions and visions, they should be interested in understanding what's going on in your head. If they're unwilling to learn and support your experience, they might not be your best support person after your baby arrives.

Consider how they are supported

Take a look at how people on your support team are supported by their own family and friends. If they have a strong support system, they're more likely to be there for you. On the other hand, if they come from a family where no one supported them, they might not know how to support you either. It's not intentional; it's just what they've learned from their own experiences.

Your partner plays a crucial role

They should be excited and willing to attend birth classes, breastfeeding classes, and anything else you're doing to prepare for the baby. The more involved they are now, the better prepared they'll be. Sometimes postpartum can sneak up on partners, so the more knowledge they have, the better off you'll be.

And if your partner isn't contributing to household chores and management right now, it's not going to magically happen after the baby arrives. So ask yourself, “Will this arrangement work for me after the baby is here?” If the answer is no, now is the time to address it. Don’t wait.

What if I have no one to help? 

Navigating the postpartum period without a support network can be super challenging, and it’s absolutely unfair that anyone has to do it, but it is the reality for many women. Here are some alternative options to consider when there’s no one around for you to lean on:

Local community resources: Research local organizations, support groups, or community centers that offer assistance to new parents. They may provide practical support, guidance, or connections to other parents in similar situations.

Online support networks: Explore online communities and forums dedicated to new parents. Connect with other moms who can offer advice, share experiences, and provide emotional support. Online platforms can be a valuable source of information and a way to build a virtual support network.

Reach out to organizations: Contact local nonprofit organizations, churches, or social services agencies that may offer assistance or connect you with resources specifically tailored to your needs. They may have programs or volunteers who can provide support during the postpartum period.

Seek professional help: Consider reaching out to healthcare professionals, such as therapists, counselors, or social workers who specialize in postpartum support. They can provide guidance, coping strategies, and emotional support during this transitional period.

Don't trial-and-error yourself through your fourth trimester.

Too many women are struggling with perinatal mood and anxiety disorders. Too many of us struggle unnecessarily. There are steps we can take to avoid postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety.

Building a postpartum support team is crucial for your well-being, and, sadly, it does require intentional effort on your part. Unfortunately, in most cases, the right people aren’t lining up at your door ready to help. But if you actively work towards building your task force, it is possible to have a smoother postpartum experience. 

I want to emphasize that no matter how alone you feel, resources and support are available to you. If you feel overwhelmed or unsure about where to start, don't hesitate to reach out to me. I'm here to help you navigate this journey and provide guidance along the way.

In my program, Anxiety-Free Postpartum, I walk you through the process of building your support team. From identifying the right people to establishing clear boundaries and expectations, my program will help you take actionable steps so that you’ll have what you need postpartum.

But because I know how easy it is to be told how you can reach your goals, sometimes we need someone to hold us accountable. That’s why my program includes accountability and support to ensure you stay on track. Together, we can create the postpartum you’re hoping for – the one you and your baby deserve.

Click here to book a complimentary call with me if want to learn more about how my program can help you. You don't have to go through this alone – let’s get you moving in the direction of an easeful and joyful fourth trimester experience.