Dealing with Unsolicited Advice During Pregnancy: A Survival Guide for Natural Moms
Congratulations, Mama! You're pregnant and ready to embark on a journey of a lifetime. But as soon as you announce your pregnancy, you find yourself bombarded with advice from friends, family, and even strangers on the street. Some of it may be helpful, but most of it will leave you feeling confused, overwhelmed, and probably even annoyed.
Unsolicited advice as a new mom can feel extremely hurtful and frustrating. It makes sense because it is basically someone saying to you that they don’t trust you to make your own choices and decisions. It can be helpful to keep in mind that when someone offers unsolicited advice, it’s more about them than it is about you.
First, let’s get clear about what unsolicited advice actually is:
It’s criticism.
It’s self-serving.
It’s disrespectful.
It shows a lack of empathy.
It’s presumptive.
It’s intrusive.
It’s condescending.
It’s rigid-minded.
It’s unhelpful.
If you're a mom planning a birth that sits outside of what’s considered “normal” by the mainstream, or if your parenting style differs from that of the majority, you may find unsolicited advice even more common. Everyone seems to have an opinion on why you should reconsider your plans or the way you do things. Or they have a horror story to tell you about why you’re making the wrong choice. Or they’ll ask you a million questions and come back with a, “Yeah, but…” for every one of your answers. They’ll lay their own fears and insecurities at your feet and expect you to change your plans to ease their concerns. But fear not girlfriend, I've got you. Here's a brief survival guide for dealing with unsolicited advice during pregnancy:
Smile and nod
When someone offers you unsolicited advice, it can be tempting to snap back with a sarcastic comment or an eye roll (trust me, I get it. I’m a sarcasm queen). But before you do, take a deep breath and smile. Nod your head and say thank you, even if you have no intention of following their advice. Remember, you don't have to justify your choices to anyone.
Set boundaries
If someone keeps offering unwanted advice, it's imperative to set boundaries. Let them know you appreciate their concern, but you've got this. You can say something like, "Thanks for your advice, but I've done my research and I feel confident in my choices." Remember, you're the one growing this baby, and you get to make the decisions that are right for you and your family.
Find your humans
One of the best ways to deal with unsolicited advice is to surround yourself with people who support your choices. Join a natural birth group, a prenatal yoga class, or an online community of like-minded mamas. These groups can provide a safe space where you can share your fears, ask questions, and receive support from others who understand what you're going through.
Learn stuff
Knowledge is power. The more you know about pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum recovery, the more confident you'll feel in your choices. Take the time to read books, attend classes, and talk to your care provider (as long as you’ve chosen wisely). Just be sure you’re reading things that align with your values. (FYI — What to Expect When You’re Expecting is the only book I’ve ever literally thrown in the trash.) When someone offers you unsolicited advice, you can respond with facts and evidence-based information.
Trust your gut
At the end of the day, you know your body and your baby better than anyone else. Trust your intuition and listen to your inner voice. And if ever something doesn't feel right, speak up. If you’ve chosen your care provider wisely (read more about that here), then you can trust that they’re there to support you and help you make informed decisions.
Remember, Mama, pregnancy is a journey, and you get to decide how you want to navigate it. Don't let unsolicited advice bring you down. Stay strong, stay informed, and stay true to yourself.
You've got this.
