Parenting Upstream Feels Lonely. But You Are Not Alone.
Being a parent can be one of the most challenging and rewarding experiences you can have. However, it can also be nerve-wracking and isolating, especially when you choose to parent outside of the mainstream. Our society often values convenience and efficiency over the needs of the baby or the mom. It can feel like everywhere you look, you're getting advice that goes against your instincts and values.
Parenting outside of the mainstream can feel lonely and isolating, especially in the beginning when you haven't found your "mom friends" yet. Without a supportive community, you may feel like you're the only one making the choices you’re making, and you may constantly feel like you have to defend your choices to others who don’t understand or agree with them. This can be emotionally draining, especially when you're already dealing with the physical and emotional demands of parenting.
Let’s talk about breastfeeding and sleep – two major topics of contention in the “mommy wars”.
Breastfeeding can be challenging for a lot of new moms, especially if you choose to breastfeed on demand, and it can be frustrating to deal with unsolicited advice and criticism from others who don’t understand your approach.
"You're gonna spoil that baby!"
"He’s using you as a pacifier."
“She’s hungry again?”
Feeling the need to justify the frequency of feedings or the time your baby spends suckling for comfort to others who don’t understand or agree with your approach can add a whole new level of stress to the already challenging experience. It can be difficult to deal with unsolicited advice and criticism from those who don’t have a clue what they’re talking about.
This can make new moms feel unsupported and judged, which can negatively impact their breastfeeding journey. It feels isolating to be constantly defending a parenting choice that’s so important to you and one that you believe to be beneficial to your child.
And when it comes to infant sleep, the cry-it-out method, which is often promoted in our culture, can go against the natural instincts of mammalian mothers. However, parents who choose not to use the cry-it-out method often face judgment and pressure from others who believe that it is the most effective way to get a baby to sleep. It can be difficult for parents to stay true to their parenting values when they are constantly bombarded with conflicting advice and opinions.
For example, if you’re not jiving with letting your baby cry it out, and you’re struggling and exhausted because you’re spending a lot of time trying to get your baby to sleep, and you ask anyone in the mainstream for advice or support, the first thing you’ll hear is, “It's okay, your baby will be fine. You HAVE to let them cry.” This can be frustrating when you know in your heart that CIO is in direct contradiction to everything you believe about parenting and you’re desperate to find alternative options that align with your values. It can be hard to find anyone who’s willing or able to offer the kind of advice and support you’re yearning for.
What’s worse, some pediatricians (NOTE: medical doctors, NOT sleep experts) may recommend the cry-it-out method as a way to help babies sleep through the night. However, this approach may not be in line with a parent's values or may not work for their child's temperament. Additionally, it can harm a breastfeeding relationship.
As a new parent, it can be intimidating to question the advice of a medical professional, which is why having a supportive community can be so helpful. When parents have access to other parents who share their parenting philosophies, they can find support, validation, and guidance. This can make it easier to trust their instincts and make choices that are in the best interest of their child.
Ultimately, every parent and every baby is unique, and what works for one family may not work for another. By understanding your own values and beliefs about parenting, you can make more informed decisions about how you want to raise your child. It's also important to find resources and communities that support your parenting style. These resources can provide you with valuable information and support as you navigate the challenges of parenting.
Want to get ahead of the game and find out your parenting style? Take my parenting style quiz and discover more about yourself! Are you a traditional or a progressive parent, or maybe a mix of both? Once you have your result, let's chat and I'll offer you the support and resources you need for your parenting journey. No need to feel isolated or alone - I'm here for you!
