How to Simplify Your Postpartum Life: Tips for Overwhelmed Moms
Moms often feel the pressure to do it all, driven by societal standards and unrealistic expectations. For neurodivergent moms especially, this pressure can be even more intense as we navigate a world not designed for our needs. The result? Overwhelm, exhaustion, and burnout before our babies even hit their first birthday.
The key to surviving and thriving is to focus on what matters to you, not what society says is important. This is about building a life that aligns with your values and rejecting the stressors that don’t.
So here’s your assignment: Start cutting out what doesn’t matter to you. What are you stressing about that doesn’t align with your values? To figure that out, you’ve got to get clear on what your values actually are.
Write down your core values and make a list of what’s really important to you. Then, look at what’s on your plate that’s making you grumpy. Are you stressing over things that don’t align with your values? If so, let those things go. Simplify your life by focusing on what really matters to you and then ditching the rest. When you shut out the noise and focus on what resonates with your core values, you create room for what brings you joy and fulfillment.
To help you get started, here are a few examples of how some of my clients have completed this exercise.
A Pinterest-Perfect Home
Value: Comfort, function
Stress: The pressure to maintain a spotless, perfect home.
Value Conflict: If your priority is a functional, nurturing space, obsessing over decor can detract from what really matters. For neurodivergent brains, a home that supports daily functioning is more valuable than aesthetics.
Action: Let go of perfectionism. Design a space that’s comfortable and functional for your family, accommodating your unique needs. Prioritize practicality and warmth over magazine-level perfection.
Schedules
Value: Balance
Stress: Feeling overwhelmed by schedules for naps, meals, and activities, or conversely, needing structure to avoid chaos.
Value Conflict: If rigidity feels stifling, you may need more flexibility. Conversely, if routine is crucial for your well-being, a lack of structure can be stressful.
Action: Identify whether you need a strict schedule or flexibility. Set a routine if it helps you stay organized, but allow for adjustments and spontaneity. Create a flow that balances structure with adaptability, fitting both your needs and your baby’s.
Perfect Parenting
Value: Authenticity, being present
Stress: The pressure to meet societal expectations of being the “perfect” mom.
Value Conflict: If authenticity and being present with your baby are important to you, striving for perfection can cause stress and disconnect.
Action: Embrace your unique parenting style. Focus on being present and flexible, learning and growing with your baby, rather than chasing an unattainable ideal.
Keeping Up With Other Families
Value: Personal fulfillment and authenticity
Stress: Comparing your baby’s milestones and lifestyle to others, feeling inadequate.
Value Conflict: If personal fulfillment and authenticity are your goals, comparing your life to others’ can steal your joy.
Action: Create a “family brand” that reflects your values and aspirations. Build a life that resonates with your personal vision rather than external comparisons.
Strict Screen Time Rules
Value: Balance and connection
Stress: Anxiety about screen time limits or guilt over using screens as a tool.
Value Conflict: If balance and connection are priorities, being rigid about screen time can create unnecessary stress.
Action: Set flexible screen time guidelines. Use screens to manage your day and provide necessary breaks, ensuring balance with quality family time.
Overcommitting to Social Obligations
Value: Self-care and personal time
Stress: The pressure to attend every social event or playdate.
Value Conflict: If you value self-care and personal time, overcommitting can lead to burnout.
Action: Be selective about social commitments. Choose events that align with your values and support your well-being. It’s okay to say no and focus on activities that are fulfilling.
Cut through the noise and focus on what really matters to you. Simplify your life by aligning your actions with your core values.
If this resonates, join me for the weekly support group I’m hosting for neurodivergent and anxiety-prone moms. We’re real, we’re raw, and we’re here for each other.
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