Postpartum ADHD

Motherhood. It’s wild. I know the whole “rollercoaster” thing feels kind of played out, but it really does feel that way. One minute you’re gushing with love so hard you feel like you’re heart might explode out of your chest. Ten minutes later your baby decides to go into a screamfest that feels like it will never end no matter what you do. And then ten minutes after that (ten minutes that feel like 90) when they’ve finally fallen asleep in your arms you feel relief, but then you look around at the dirty dishes and the piles of laundry and you’re overwhelmed again. 

Some moms are lucky enough to have an even wilder ride, though. Some of us are accompanied by an invisible sidekick – Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). 

Many women live with ADHD without even realizing it, and the symptoms usually become more apparent postpartum. Oftentimes, ADHD symptoms are mistaken for or lead to anxiety. So let’s talk about it.

Recognizing ADHD in Moms:

ADHD is most commonly associated with children (boys especially), but it can, and often does, persist into adulthood. Many women may have gone undiagnosed because the symptoms tend to manifest differently in females and can be mistaken as stress or hormonal fluctuations. The demands of motherhood can exacerbate these symptoms, which makes it important for moms to be aware of the signs.

Here are a few:

• Forgetfulness and Disorganization: Moms with ADHD may struggle with forgetfulness and disorganization, which makes it hard for us to keep track of and adhere to our baby’s schedules, appointments, and all of the other responsibilities that tend to fall on moms specifically. Or we hyperfocus so much on these things that it leads us to a high level of stress or even anxiety.

• Time Management Issues: Difficulty managing time is a common symptom of ADHD. ADHD moms sometimes find ourselves overwhelmed by the never-ending to-do list and struggle to prioritize tasks effectively. On top of it, if you’re living with an ADHD partner or a partner who is uninvolved in the daily managing of life with you, you might find yourself trying to pick up their slack, too, which can lead to feelings of overwhelm and resentment. 

• Emotional Mindf*ck: ADHD can contribute to emotional dysregulation, which leads to mood swings and heightened stress levels. This can be especially challenging during the postpartum period when hormones are already running rampant.

Postpartum Onset of ADHD Symptoms:

The postpartum period is a vulnerable time for many women, and it can intensify ADHD symptoms or bring them to the forefront for the first time. The hormonal fluctuations, sleep deprivation, and increased responsibilities can create a perfect storm for ADHD to manifest or intensify.

• Hormonal Influence: Hormonal changes during pregnancy and postpartum can impact neurotransmitter levels, potentially revealing or exacerbating ADHD symptoms.

• Sleep Deprivation: Lack of sleep is a known trigger for ADHD symptoms. The sleep disruptions that come with caring for a newborn can significantly affect a mother's ability to cope with the challenges of ADHD.

• Increased Responsibilities: The added responsibilities of motherhood can overwhelm anyone, but for moms with ADHD, the challenges can feel insurmountable. Juggling childcare, household chores, and personal well-being may seem like an impossible task.

Navigating Motherhood with ADHD – Practical Suggestions:

Recognizing and addressing ADHD in moms is super important—not only for our own well-being, but also for the well-being of our families. Here are some suggestions for new moms with symptoms of ADHD postpartum:

• Get a Professional Evaluation: If you think you might be ADHD, you may want to consider a professional evaluation. A healthcare provider or mental health professional can do a comprehensive assessment and make suggestions for interventions that may work for you. My testing took place over two days and took about three hours each time, and it was actually fun and pretty interesting. 

• Learn as Much as You Can About ADHD: Understanding ADHD and its the way it might affect your motherhood experience can empower you to navigate challenges more effectively. Knowledge about ADHD-specific coping strategies and parenting techniques can be invaluable. There are loads of books, podcasts, and social media accounts that address these things.

• Build a Support System: Reach out to friends, family, or support groups. Building a network of understanding folx can provide emotional support and practical assistance when needed.

• Implement Structure and Routine: Establishing a structured daily routine can help manage time and reduce feelings of overwhelm. Consistent schedules benefit both mothers and their children. It’s hard to do this, though, when you’re an ADHDer, so be gentle with yourself and find strategies to help you, like list-making and visual reminders, or use apps on your phone. Google Home helps me manage my daily life.

• Self-Care is Non-Negotiable: And I mean real self-care, not just bubble baths and Target runs alone. Those are great, of course, but we need more. Prioritize self-care to maintain mental and emotional well-being. Taking breaks, practicing mindfulness, and getting enough rest are essential components of self-care.

In her book, The ADHD Effect on Marriage, Melissa Orlov gets into the intricacies of relationships where one partner is ADHD. Drawing on her expertise and personal experiences, Melissa outlines a six-step process to help couples navigate the challenges ADHD can bring to a marriage. The book offers insights into understanding ADHD's impact on communication, emotional intimacy, and overall relationship dynamics. Through practical strategies, you and your partner can make sure that ADHD doesn’t have a devastating effect on your relationship and your family. 

In my case, when our son was a toddler, my marriage was already in serious trouble. I was desperate to find answers as to why things were so hard for us, which is what led me down rabbit holes. Eventually, I connected the dots and suggested my ex-husband get an evaluation, only to discover he had been living with ADHD all along. Strangely, I never thought to examine myself, and neither did anyone else.

This oversight probably happened because I was good at masking.

Masking and Underdiagnosis:

Masking involves concealing or compensating for ADHD symptoms and makes it difficult for others, and even the individual, to recognize the condition. Many women with ADHD become good at masking due to societal expectations, personal coping mechanisms, or a need to fit in. This skillful camouflage can contribute to the underdiagnosis of ADHD in women, as our symptoms may be dismissed or attributed to other factors like stress or hormonal fluctuations.

Motherhood is an incredible adventure, and for moms managing ADHD, it definitely brings it’s own set of challenges. By being aware of symptoms, considering the potential impact postpartum, and incorporating practical strategies, moms can navigate their roles with more ease and find joy in the process.

If this resonates, join me for the weekly support group I’m hosting for neurodivergent and anxiety-prone moms. We’re real, we’re raw, and we’re here for each other.

Click the button below for info.