Perfectionism & Postpartum Mental Health
There’s no such thing as a perfect mom. I mean it. So don’t even try.
Becoming a mom is absolutely one of the most mind-blowing, transformative experiences you’ll ever go through. It’s f*cking amazing.
That’s not to say that it comes without challenges. Transitioning to motherhood, especially for us anxious types, can be a real mind-f*ck. For lots of us, the external (and internalized) pressure to be a perfect mom, coupled with existing perfectionist tendencies, can contribute to the development of postpartum anxiety (PPA).
Perfectionism and Postpartum Anxiety:
The Perfect Mom Myth:
Perfectionism often stems from societal expectations and the pervasive myth of the "perfect mom." Women feel pressured to meet unrealistic standards in all aspects of our lives, such as how quickly we “bounce back”, how “good” we look, our parenting style, what kind of birth we had, how we feed our babies, our ability to balance work and family, and so on. These expectations can significantly contribute to heightened anxiety levels during the postpartum period.
Perfectionism's Role in Postpartum Anxiety:
Research suggests that perfectionism is a risk factor for the development of postpartum anxiety. The constant pursuit of flawlessness and fear of failure only adds to the normal stress of new motherhood. Perfectionists often struggle with self-doubt, heightened sensitivity to criticism, and an overwhelming sense of responsibility, all of which are factors associated with PPA.
Taking Steps to Avoid Postpartum Anxiety:
Own Your Imperfection:
The first step in preparing to avoid postpartum anxiety is acknowledging that perfection is an unattainable goal. It’s the bullshit we’ve been taught in our patriarchal culture. The need to be perfect only holds you back from being the mom you want to be and the mom that your baby really needs. It’s just not possible to be perfect. Imperfection is a natural part of being human, motherhood included, and it's okay not to have everything figured out. Hell, my “baby” is heading to high school next year, and I’m still fairly clueless most days. It’s all part of the adventure.
Build a Support System:
Surround yourself with a strong support network. Whether it's friends, family, or a local parenting group, having people to share experiences and seek advice from can alleviate the pressure to be perfect. And be sure to curate your social media so it’s not filled with content creators who share unrealistic versions of the postpartum experience. Surround yourself with authentic people, both in real life and virtually, who tell it like it is.
Educate Yourself:
Knowledge is power. Educate yourself about postpartum anxiety, its symptoms, and available resources for support. Being informed can empower you to recognize signs early on and seek help when needed.
Dealing with Postpartum Anxiety:
Practice Self-Compassion:
Instead of striving for perfection, practice self-compassion. Understand that it's normal to make mistakes, and motherhood is a learning process. Be kind to yourself and focus on the positive aspects of your parenting journey.
Seek Professional Help:
If prenatal or postpartum anxiety becomes overwhelming, don't hesitate to get help from a professional. Therapy and counseling can provide valuable tools to manage anxiety and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
Delegate Responsibilities:
Resist the urge to do everything on your own. Delegate responsibilities to your partner, family members, or friends. Sharing the load can help alleviate the stress associated with perfectionist tendencies.
Be cautious of maternal gatekeeping, where you overly control parenting tasks and limit your partner's involvement. This behavior, driven by perfectionist tendencies, can heighten postpartum anxiety (PPA). Maternal gatekeeping strains relationships, adds pressure, and hinders shared responsibilities. To avoid PPA, foster a collaborative parenting approach, and recognize that both you and your partner bring valuable perspectives and contributions. Embracing a team dynamic reduces the risk of perfectionism, and promotes a healthier family experience.
Perfectionism and postpartum anxiety can form a challenging combination for new moms. By recognizing the role perfectionism plays in contributing to postpartum anxiety, preparing for it proactively, and adopting coping strategies, mothers can navigate the complexities of new parenthood with greater resilience and self-compassion. Remember, being a good mom doesn't require perfection – it requires love, patience, and a willingness to grow alongside your child.
If you’re pregnant and hoping to avoid postpartum anxiety, there are steps you can take! I can help you steer clear of the perfectionist trap in motherhood. I offer comprehensive planning, ongoing education, and year-long support. I’ll be your biggest cheerleader, and remind you every step of the way that it's okay not to have everything figured out. Plus, you'll join a community of other moms who get it, creating a supportive community where you can share the ups and downs of the parenting journey.
Stick Around!
If this resonates, join me for the weekly support group I’m hosting for neurodivergent and anxiety-prone moms. We’re real, we’re raw, and we’re here for each other.
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TL; DR
TL;DR: Motherhood is an incredible but challenging journey, especially for those dealing with anxiety fueled by societal expectations of perfection. The myth of the perfect mom contributes to heightened stress. Combatting postpartum anxiety involves acknowledging imperfection, building a strong support system, educating oneself, practicing self-compassion, seeking professional help if needed, and sharing responsibilities with your partner. Maternal gatekeeping, driven by perfectionism, should be avoided to promote a collaborative parenting approach. Being a good mom doesn't require perfection; it requires love, patience, and a willingness to grow alongside your child. For those expecting, proactive steps can be taken to avoid the perfectionist trap in motherhood. Comprehensive planning, ongoing education, and community support are crucial elements in navigating the challenges of new parenthood. Get the recipe for an Anxiety-Free Postpartum here.
