When Postpartum Anxiety Says Do Less, Listen.
Quiet quitting—it’s when you do the bare minimum, stop putting everyone else’s needs ahead of yours, stop bending over backward to make other people happy or comfortable, and set clear boundaries around your time and energy. Because you f*cking matter, damn it.
Postpartum anxiety is no joke. It’s not fun, and it basically steals your motherhood experience from you because Little Ms. Anxiety in there thinks she can keep you and your baby safe by worrying about every. little. thing. And while many of us were able to manage her before baby, the demands and sensory experiences of early motherhood coupled with the INTENSE love you have for your baby can really throw ya for a loop. Throw in some sleep deprivation, feeding challenges, and the lack of any kind of real support system, and those fantastical images you had in your head about your maternity leave disappear, and you’re left with the reality of what has become your life.
You’re expected to do it all perfectly while smiling AND be grateful. It’s exhausting AND dangerous, especially when you’re at risk for postpartum anxiety or other perinatal mood disorders.
As an Autistic or ADHD mom, your brain works differently than what’s considered “typical.” You get overwhelmed more easily than neurotypicals because you are SO SENSITIVE. That’s not a bad thing. It just means you feel intensely, and you notice everything. Your brain just isn’t wired to manage all the sensory overload that your baby brings with them, especially when you’re completely unprepared for it as most mothers are.
In a different world, we’d have that village everyone’s always screaming about and we wouldn’t have these issues. So give yourself some grace and remember — it’s not you. It’s capitalism.
So what’s the solution? You quietly quit.
Here’s what quiet quitting looks like for a postpartum mom:
It looks like setting boundaries (and sticking to them)
If your partner, friends, or family constantly expect you to do things you don’t want to do, maybe it’s time to quietly quit. You don’t need to attend every event. You don’t have to throw that big bash for your baby’s first birthday if it’s causing you more stress than anything. It’s okay. You do not have to meet anyone else’s expectations. You do not have to keep up with everyone else. You are not them. They don’t know what you need. They don’t know how you feel inside. You do not need to answer to them, explain to them, or placate them.
If it’s causing you anxiety, be honest about that. And if they can’t respect that, well then, I’d say some serious conversations need to be had. It is never okay to make yourself stressed or uncomfortable to meet the needs or demands of others. Set your boundaries and protect your mental health. “No” is a complete sentence. You’re in charge of your time. Don’t let anyone tell you how to spend it.
It looks like ditching perfectionism
According to a 2022 study from the British Journal of Clinical Psychology, perfection is “moderately correlated with common maternal perinatal mental health difficulties”.
So ditch perfectionism. You have absolutely nothing to prove to anyone.
Only you get to decide what “good enough” looks like. No one else. Your mental health and well-being are the priority—meeting the standards of a society, or of a specific person that expects perfection over sanity? Nah.
It looks like letting go of guilt
The more you do, the more you burn out. The solution? You have to learn to say no, guilt-free.
I know it’s hard. That feeling you get when the voice in your head is screaming SHOULD at you, it’s a terrible feeling, I know. But it will get easier over time. You just have to decide that you matter enough to try.
It looks like simplifying everything
Doing less isn’t just about saying no—it’s about simplifying the things you can’t ignore or say no to. Take short-cuts wherever possible. Anything you can take off your plate, any step you can remove from a task, do it. This is what real minimalism looks like. Creating shortcuts and removing friction in your day can free up mental space, which can help with emotional regulation and executive dysfunction.
Quiet quitting isn’t about doing less to avoid responsibility or for spite—it’s about protecting your mental health.
Quiet quitting is a radical act of self-care that says, “I deserve to be less stressed, less overwhelmed, and less burned out. And I deserve to enjoy being a mom.” And for neurodivergent moms, this is a must. You don’t need to follow the rules set by a world that wasn’t designed for you.
It’s okay to let go of the “shoulds,” to stop worrying about letting people down. By simplifying and minimizing, you make room for what really matters: your well-being and ability to be present with your baby. If you’re not taking care of yourself, you can’t take care of your baby—and that’s the job that matters most to you.
Maybe it’s time to give quiet quitting a try. Do less, and be more present.
