Finding Your Worth Beyond Parenting

Listen. I used to be an Attachment Parenting zealot. For real.

And as I now have some distance between me and the dirty diapers, I’ve pretty much kicked that label to the curb.

Labels. So many labels.

Bossy. Shy. Smart. Loud. Aggressive. Too {fill in the blank}. Daughter. Sister. Friend. Girlfriend. Teacher. Fiance. Wife.

Those were some of mine. But the moment I held my squishy little beast in my arms, I finally understood who I really was - I was his mom.

And immediately, that became my sole identity. I guess I had never really known who I was outside of all the labels. But now I knew. This was the role I was born for.

And I proceeded to prove to everyone that I was good at it. Because, shit, if being a mom was now my sole identity and my one true purpose, then I needed to be the best at it. Because if I was doing this wrong, then what did I matter?

And in my quest to show win my blue ribbon in momming, I was aggressive and opinionated and outspoken. And probably a little bit scary. And a lot of an asshole. And I’m telling you honestly, it wasn't that I felt like other moms were making the wrong choices, it’s just that in my head, if I was so different, then maybe I was doing it wrong.

But I think I was only trying to convince myself that I mattered. That I had value.

And it was twofold. Part of it was my lack of self-worth, and part of it was that I was parenting upstream, or against the grain, or whatever you want to call it. I was different. I was doing it differently. And while the whole “different” thing was nothing new to me, this felt different. Because being different in a foreign land where you don’t know anyone yet and you barely speak the language and everywhere you turn someone is trying to tell you that you are doing your one very important job wrong, it can feel a little terrifying. And lonely.

Today, thanks to lots of therapy, a little bit of prescribed medication, and a ton of hard and meaningful work, I‘ve come to realize that self-discovery and self-care are essential components of motherhood. Essential components that I, and so many other women, too often overlook. It is essential to recognize our own value, outside of our roles as moms, and to prioritize self-care as a means of rebellion.

Rebellion against the world that has told us for too long that we need a label. Told us that we needed to “be” something. Rebellion against the expectations and norms society has imposed on us. Rebellion against the idea that we need to constantly compete with each other, which only serves to create division and loneliness. Rebellion against the idea that productivity and achievement are the only measures of success.

If this resonates with you, join me at our weekly postpartum support group for anxiety-prine, adhd, and autistic moms — of for anyone who needs it! Click HERE to learn more.