Postpartum Tips for Neurodivergent Moms Struggling with Anxiety and Overwhelm

When I was pregnant with my October baby in 2009, I pictured baby giggles, family photos in a pumpkin patch, and my happy baby on Santa’s lap. But for me, as a neurodivergent woman—undiagnosed at the time—there was nothing dreamy about my transition to motherhood. Until that point, I’d spent my life creating systems to manage the world around me: making lists, using a planner religiously, adopting a minimalist lifestyle, and building routines that helped me find balance. But becoming a mom threw all those carefully constructed systems into chaos.

I was completely unprepared for the sensory and emotional challenges of my postpartum period. Suddenly, everything—from my baby’s cries to the slurping sounds of breastfeeding—triggered intense and overwhelming feelings. Every routine I had depended on pre-baby just vanished, replaced by an endless cycle of unpredictable needs. It was disorienting and disheartening, and my body and mind struggled to keep up.

The lack of sleep, hormonal shifts, and constant responsibility made everything feel unbearably heavy. I could no longer regulate my anxiety or manage my sensory responses. Instead of being the connected, calm mom I’d imagined, I was hanging on by a thread, unable to put words to what I was feeling. Looking back now, I see that those intense, sensory-heavy moments—filled with spikes of anxiety that often showed up as anger—were laying the foundation for my early experience of motherhood.

Postpartum Anxiety

In those early postpartum days, I had no idea I was neurodivergent. I thought I was unraveling, unable to handle the demands of being a new mom the way everyone else seemed to. Even the smallest things would set me off: my baby’s cry, the texture of baby clothes, the lighting in the room, my then-husband’s snoring. Everything seemed to demand my attention all at once, and my mind was constantly spinning, barely able to keep up. I chalked it up to exhaustion, convincing myself that all moms must feel this way in the beginning. But it was more than that. My brain was working overtime, stretched far beyond its limits, and struggling to process every demand.

And then, there was the anxiety. It wasn’t just “new-mom nerves,” it was a constant fixation on tiny details and a persistent sense of dread. I could never turn my brain off, couldn’t let anything go, and couldn’t understand why I was struggling so much. Other moms seemed to adjust, but I felt untethered, bouncing from one overwhelmed moment to the next.

Looking back, I recognize these feelings as signs of my neurodivergence showing up in full force. But at the time, I felt like I was failing at motherhood, isolated in a world that suddenly felt too loud, chaotic, and demanding.

Invisible Labor and Neurodivergent Processing

There’s a unique weight to the invisible labor of motherhood when you’re neurodivergent. Our brains hyper-focus on the small details, constantly organizing, planning, and adjusting. For neurodivergent moms, the mental load isn’t about forgetting things but being overwhelmed by the never-ending, running checklist we can’t switch off. Trying to manage every small task, remember feeding times, and organize the day felt like an uphill battle. With so much going on in our minds as it is, adding the roles of caregiver, nurse, and protector is massive—especially when we lack the language or tools to explain what’s happening to our partners or support networks.

Relationship Shifts

Navigating early motherhood as a neurodivergent mom can also bring strain to relationships. My then-husband, also undiagnosed neurodivergent at the time, wanted to support me, but without clear boundaries or effective communication, we both felt overwhelmed. Unfortunately, we ended up pegging each other as the enemy and resentment entered our relationship soon after our baby did. Direct communication and boundary-setting are essential for everyone, but especially for neurodivergent folks, and even more so during the postpartum period.

Strategies and Coping Mechanisms for Neurodivergent Moms Postpartum

Here are some of the tools I wish I’d known about to help manage postpartum anxiety and sensory overload as a neurodivergent mom:

Setting Boundaries and Building a Routine
Neurodivergent people often thrive on structure, even if it’s minimal. While full routines aren’t feasible in the first weeks and months of parenthood, setting up micro-routines can bring consistency to each day without the stress of rigidity. A short morning and evening ritual—even a five-minute break to regroup or a sensory object to ground you—can help you feel more centered.

Managing Sensory Overlod

Sensory overload can be a huge challenge, so find ways to dial down the noise. Noise-canceling headphones and earplugs should be on every pregnant mom’s baby registry! Create small sensory-friendly spaces at home, and practice grounding techniques like running cold water on your wrists or stepping outside barefoot. Strategies like these can help reduce the intensity of sensory reactions.

Managing Executive Function
Executive functioning will likely take a hit, so use tools that can help offload cognitive demand. Visual schedules, to-do lists, and apps are useful for tracking essentials. Lean on reminders and visual cues as much as possible to give your mind a break from constantly holding it all.

Seeking Support and Asking for Help

Reaching out may feel uncomfortable, but it’s necessary. Connecting with other neurodivergent moms, whether online or in person, can be incredibly grounding and validating.

Mindfulness and Self-Compassion

Mindfulness and self-compassion are key. Check-in with yourself regularly, and remind yourself it’s okay to feel what you’re feeling. There’s nothing wrong with you. You are not broken. You are a good mom. Give yourself permission to slow down, rest, and do things differently. Small acts of self-compassion can give you the strength you need to make it through even the hardest days.

Mom As You Are

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that motherhood is not one-size-fits-all. As neurodivergent moms, we have to write our own rules. There’s no shame in setting boundaries, asking for help, or even saying no to ‘normal’ mom expectations. Being the mom you want to be starts with putting your own needs first. Lean into your unique way of mothering, and let yourself grow through each challenge—you are stronger and more resilient than you may realize. 

Remember, this is temporary, you’re not alone, and you have what it takes to get through this.

Come Hang Out With Me

If this resonates, join me for the weekly support group I’m hosting for neurodivergent and anxiety-prone moms. We’re real, we’re raw, and we’re here for each other.

Click the button below for info.